Once, my brother Mark Anthony Gaius Julius Septissimus Farksting Masterson told me that, after a conversation with a magical stranger on a bus, if there was one thing he could improve or have more of, it would be awareness.
Guess fucking what? There's a goddamn button on my keyboard for opening up Outlook Express, and one for the calculator, and My Computer, and all kinds of stuff. They're on the top of the computer, yo!
So, yeah, I fell off my chair (I was overcome by emotion, you see, and gravity and shit) and smacked my keyboard up into the top of the PC desk. And poof! There was Outlook Express! I never see those buttons due to the way my keyboard sits.
So, yeah. Now I've looked at all that shit. I wonder how much stuff we miss. Like, I'm sure there's even more cool shit my phone can do, but I don't know it. There's stuff I've had to get working quickly, and never had a chance to read the manual or look over the item.
So yeah, awareness. Or maybe gravity. Handy shit.
(Lifted from Livejournal, just cause it had to be shared)
@ 2005-02-03 18:47:00
(cue stock one-note bass brass music)
(ARTISAN ENTERTAINMENT LOGO) (F/O)
ARTISAN ENTERTAINMENT PRESENTS <-- Green computer text on black BG, as if entered by hand, complete with blinking box-cursor
A UWE BOLL FILM <-- same
NARR: "It happened without warning...."
(VIEW OF NIGHT SKY, FULL MOON- MOON EXPLODES)
NARR: "The stars faded without explaination..."
(VIEW OF EARTH FROM SPACE, SHATTERED MOON FRAGMENTS FORMING A RING AROUND PLANET- STARS IN BG FADE- F/O AS LAST STARS DISAPPEAR)
NARR: "And in the dark of night, they came..."
(OUTER SPACE, EDGE OF SOLAR SYSTEM- BRIGHT BLUE EXPLOSION, GIANT MUSHROOM-SHAPED SPACECRAFT APPEARS FROM LIGHT)
(flyover of Washington DC, feat. Washington monument, White House)
VO (Sec. of State, played by JAMES CROMWELL): "We still have no word from Space Station Liberty, Mr. President- no explaiation for the moon disaster, for the stars disappearing- NOTHING."
(shot of President, played by GEORGE TAKEI And from NASA?
(Cut to S.O.S) "They're ready to launch as soon as you give the word."
(cut to black): VO(Pres): "Consider it given."
(MUSIC: drums pound out slow, steady beat acc. low brass line)
(Stock footage of Apollo launch)
VO (Nancy, played by DAKOTA FANNING): Daddy's not coming back from space. I know it."
VO(Mitch, played by DEVON MURRAY): "HOW do you know?!"
Nancy: "I feel it.... (CUT TO BLACK) I feel the Cosmos."
(MUSIC- Trumpets join bass/drum line; sinister-sounding eight-note staccato: DUN! DUN! DUN! DUN DUH-DUH-DUH DUN!)
(Flyover shot of England, giant ball is rolling over screaming crowd, picking up cars, buildings, people)
British newscaster (to be cast- use Marilyn from makeup for trailer) in VO: "A mysterious ball of detritus, estimated to be over 40M in size and propelled by an unknown force has been terrorizing London for days, and shows no signs of stopping."
PRES: "How can we stop that thing!?"
S.O.S: "We can't! It only stops for things larger than its diameter, but then it just adds to its size until it can pick THAT up, too."
PRES: "How much time do we have?"
(Scene- The Ball is rolling up on the coast of Maine, taking tugboats/giant lobsters/lighthouses with it) VO(S.O.S "Three days. It'll show up on Friday, and with a size of over 800 meters in diameter."
(Text zoom) THIS SUMMER
S.O.S: "You should see this, Mr. President- it's from Liberty."
(Scene- shot of computer monitor displaying movie of an alien- looks like a standard Grey alien, with long, cylindrical head and blood-red "nose"- speaking in unintelligable clicks and gutteral grunts)
President: "What's it saying?"
(message scrolls across bottom of screen: "AL SALAAM A'ALAYKUM HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE ARABIAN PENINSULA")
(text zoom) GET READY
(Scene- Iraqi desert, archaeological dig)
Nathan (archaeologist, played by COREY HAIM): "It's impossible... they're headphones, but they're over seven thousand years old!"
(text zoom) TO ROLL
(music stops, hold black)
VO (Nancy, creepy warbling humming) Na naaaaaaaa, na na na nana na naaa...
(music starts back at full fury)
Scene- New York: The Ball picks up downtown Manhattan. Fade to:
Scene- South Dakota: The Ball picks up Mt. Rushmore. Fade to:
Scene- San Francisco- The Ball picks up the Golden Gate Bridge
(cut to Title Logo)
(Computer text again: "AUGUST 2005")
(Quick cut to demonic, screaming Cousins attacking citydwellers)
It was indeed the heat and cook time. I have conquered these lesser foods. Now Doom stands triumphant over a pile of vanquished omelets filled with bell pepper, ham-turkey, yum yum cheese with sundried tomato, and sauteed mushroom.
It was good. Even Devon said she might eat them again, and she's picky.